Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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