69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
