Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
