note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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