From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
