We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
