"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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