I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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