i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
