god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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