She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
