i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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