I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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