Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
