nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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