What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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