life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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