I bet he comes in French.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
