Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
