quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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