U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
