Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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