if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
