I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
