I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
