Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize