Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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