did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
