Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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