Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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