i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
