Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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