Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
