I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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