Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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