I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dignity is for republicans.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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