my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
