3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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