WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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