My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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