His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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