I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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