I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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