Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
