My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize