FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
