I think i peed on brittanys purse
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize