Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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