also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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