how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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