8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
