Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i believe in u and ur pee
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
