your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He kissed a someone with a penis
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
