Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
