Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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