I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
