it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
