I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
