yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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