Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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