i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im holly from the hills drunk
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
