yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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