i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
