had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I got her a Nickelback box set.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
