Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
