The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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