He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
