Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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