is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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