you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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