I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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