2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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