A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
