Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
