I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
