nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize