u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
