At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
