You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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