She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
