Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
