At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
