good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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