I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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