Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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