How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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