I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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