I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Randomize
