if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
