I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
