if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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