one two three fourrrrnication!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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