Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
