Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
