there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
