i think i have two assholes
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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